(no subject)

[shichahn]

Anyway, being that I'm totally incapable of keeping track of what day it is, and as such thinking that the 7th was on Thursday, I didn't fill out my ballot last week. Then on Saturday I learned that, well, actually, the 7th is Tuesday. Huh. So, not wanting to be a lameass who doesn't vote, I had to express mail my ballot, which costs a freaking $14, thank you very much FedEx, how the hell do you stay in business. >_o Anyway, to do that I had to walk down to the opposite end of campus. That didn't bother me much at all, thankfully, as the weather today is sort of amazing. It's the type of beautiful idyllic fall weather you always feel like you should get but never do. Overcast with thick clouds and the occasional raindrop, leaves all over the place, gusts of wind that are supposed to get up to around 35 mph later today, and an amazing 70 degrees. It would feel like summer if it wasn't for the rest of the weather. I don't know what it is, but something about it being dark out but warm has always fascinated me. I love that feeling. So after I mailed my ballot, I just started walking down the sidewalk, headed for the plant store to see if they have any fungicide. My baby opuntias are starting to sprout and I need to make sure they stay healthy in their warm and damp little pot that helps them germinate. Of course, the plant store, being totally lame, only had rooting hormone with fungicide, but no fungicide in any other form, so I left the store. And I thought briefly that I should turn around and head back home, have some lunch, do some homework.

But I just couldn't. The weather was perfect and the wind was blowing my scarf and I just kept on going down the sidewalk. I don't know what it was, but I wanted to go and just keep going, so I did. It wasn't that I was physically restless. I probably could use more exercise if I had the time, but that didn't feel like what was happening. It wasn't a desire to walk, it was a desire to go. I wound up at a bookstore and looked around a bit, then left and stood outside for a moment. I reasoned with myself that I had to go home, I needed food and needed to be productive, and I finally did turn back around, but not without a moment of twisting and looking back down the sidewalk, pondering if I should just keep walking anyway. But as if against my will, I went home anyway.

On the way back there was a big dog behind a fence and despite its barking and jumping and looking vicious, I really wanted to pet it. Being mostly sane, I just kept walking, but I imagined instead a scenario in which I had gone to pet the dog, in which case it most likely would have bitten me and mangled my hand pretty well. Being not entirely sane, I wanted to try and see what would happen, because having my hand torn apart by a dog is an experience I certainly have never had, and the thought of it happening somehow made me think "that is an experience that would really make me feel alive", followed by the rather morbid thought that I would like to experience something so awful as that someday just so I could feel it. I don't know what's gotten into me today, and I blame it on the weather because I have nothing else to blame it on.

So here I am, back at home after my odd hour-long nonadventure, sitting at the computer, feeling totally mundane. I want to get out of the house and do something but there's nothing to do here that would satisfy me. I want to get out and go hiking in the desert, or up a mountain, but I can't because I have homework and classes tomorrow and a test this week and a paper to write. And the thought that things so very average as that are what's keeping me from going out and doing something make me really, really sad. Thank goodness Thanksgiving break is coming up. A week is hardly long enough to go much of anywhere, but at the very least I'll no longer be in Walla Walla, so maybe there's a chance I can find something to do, or somewhere to go. The world feels too small in this town, and I want to get out.